When I was young, I thought that love only comes from other people. I thought that gaining everyone's validation was enough to make me feel content. I thought I'd finally feel like I belong once I tried my hardest to fulfill people's expectations towards me. But I was wrong, because no matter how many parts of me I've changed for the sake of other people, it would just never be enough. But who was I to know? I was just a naive youngster who's dying to feel loved.
Perhaps, I was looking for love in the wrong places all those time. Maybe, just maybe, I should've started from the closest proximity—me, my own self. So that's become my starting point ever since. I'm starting to embrace every version of me, even the ugly ones. Turns out, it feels unapologetically amazing and rewarding for my soul.
Still, some days I'd feel dispirited, just wanting to curl up into a ball of misery, wishing someone would protect me and wrap me in five layers of warm blankets. But there are also other days where I feel like I can shower the world with the limitless love that's stored in me. And that's what makes us humans, isn't it? It's not gonna be linear, it will have its ups and downs just like a seesaw.
It's a messy journey for sure, but it's all a work in progress.
(HAI/alm)