Two nights ago, I logged on to Twitter with the hopes of finding funny memes and the latest internet gossip. But as I scrolled down my timeline, all I can found is numerous sexual assault allegations and public rage towards perpetrators and also police institutions that has failed the victims. But what disturbed me the most, is how there are still many people pointing the blame to the victims; including their decision to be in a relationship. According to them, sexual violence is the direct consequence of being in a relationship. Their arguments implies a much bigger issue, that some people still don't understand that consent is non negotiable and giving consent to be in a relationship doesn't mean giving consent to be sexually assaulted.
Ideally, by this point I shouldn't have to explain the meaning of consent. Also, everyone should have been aware of the basic definition-that you have to gain other people's approval and you cannot in any way force them to do things they don't want to do. It's not rocket science, but seeing that many people still don't understand the importance of consent encourages me to write the definition, once again.
Everyone could be the victim of sexual violence, whether you are a men or a woman, a child or an adult, single or married. The simplest definition of consent, according to Merriam Webster, means compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another. In the context of sexual activities, giving consent means agreeing to engage in sexual activities, but it isn't that simple. Many people misunderstood (intentionally or unintentionally) the signs and signals of saying no when they are engaging in a sexual activity.
According to Planned Parenthood, there are five important things we should remember about consent.
1. Freely Given. No one should be pressured or manipulated when asked for consent. Your approval should also be made consciously, without the influence of drugs or alcohol.
2. Reversible. Yes, you can change your mind in the middle of sexual activity and your partner should respect your decision to stop.
Informed. You should be fully informed about the whole activity before giving your consent.
3. Enthusiastic. You should only do things you want or enjoy doing. If you feel doubtful, don't feel hesitant to tell your partner about it.
4. Specific. Consent only applies to specific activities in a specific context. For example, saying yes to kissing doesn't mean saying yes to sex.
Through films, music, and media, we have been led to believe that it is okay to not ask for permission to kiss or have sex with someone. We have been led to believe that asking for consent before engaging in sexual activities is such a turnoff and it's unnecessary. While in reality, it is the sweetest thing anyone can do. It shows that you are considerate, respectful, and thoughtful to your partner's feelings and experience. So, please understand that consent is non negotiable, even if you're doing it with your long-time partner or someone you trust. Everyone has the right to say no, regardless of the conditions.
(ANL/DIR)