Have you ever felt that you have a certain desire to always make other people feel happy and tend to do anything possible to make those around you happier? According to James Madison University counseling site, it is said that people pleasers are those who tend to be fun and have a tendency to be the kindest and most helpful individuals. Generally speaking, a people pleaser spends a lot of time for other people and helps them to certain tendencies which mainly makes other people happy. Despite the fact that it brings happiness for other people, this behavior tends to be quite toxic for the party who does it. So, is there any reason why they would do that?
Want to avoid conflict
One of the reasons why someone becomes a people pleaser is to avoid conflict with other people. So, instead of voicing disapproval to others which can then lead to conflict, they prefer to do what other people want. As a result, they often feel annoyed and dissatisfied with people around them. While in fact, expressing different opinions is a natural thing in an everyday life that trains us to have the courage to speak up.
Feel guilty when rejecting people
One of the characteristics of a people pleaser, as mentioned earlier, is that they are difficult to refuse other people's invitations or requests. This is mainly because people pleasers will feel guilty if they have to refuse the invitation or request. In order to avoid this guilt, they finally agree to all requests from those around them even though they themselves don't want to.
Fear of rejection
Fear of rejection from the surrounding environment makes people pleasers as much as possible obey and pleases the people around them so that they are well received. As a result, they go to great lengths to please others at the expense of their own feelings.
Find it hard to validate themselves
Someone who has the nature of people pleaser usually sees a problem from another person's perspective more often than seeing it from their own point of view. Often they think more about the opinions of others on the decisions they make. They tend to prioritize other people's feelings than their own feelings. This can happen because of their need for validation from other parties because of their inability to validate themselves.
One thing that needs to be remembered is that being a friendly person doesn't always require you to repress what you actually want to do or say. Helping and being useful for others is a good thing but if you keep prioritizing them over your desire, it could harm yourself and might as well impact your mental health.
